Living Life to the Max! Right

Max lived life "BIG TIME!" When Max put his mind to something, he did it until he was done with it. For example, in 6th grade, Max was a magician, and when I say he was a magician, I mean he was truly magical. He read every magic book that appeared, he combed every aisle of any magic store he stumbled upon. He attentively learned tricks from others. He immersed himself in magic, and then, poof, he was done. Max the Magician disappeared. He had been there, done that, and it was magnificent.

Max picked up skateboarding during grade school. A very cautious child, Max always wore a helmet, knee, and elbow pads. He practiced incessantly, growing frustrated when his falls and skinned knees detracted from his “board” time. For years, he begged us for a ramp, and eventually, we acquiesced, naturally buying the biggest ramp we could afford. Intimidated by its height, Max took one look at the ramp and promptly threw in the towel on his skateboarding career. Much to our surprise, he returned to his passion for ollies and kickflips in high school. With age, and some height of his own, he had grown strong enough to tackle those tall ramps. He was often seen around St. Louis scouting out his next skate spot.

On the day Max turned 16, he strolled into Subway sporting freshly ironed khakis and his resumé in hand. He swaggered out with a job and keys to the place. Max had a discipline that you rarely find in teenage boys. He worked as many hours as allowed, saving up to buy a 1989 cherry red Ford Mustang Fox-body convertible, an heirloom he dreamt of someday gifting to his children. Max babied his prized car, yet he wasn’t afraid to replace large parts with new and improved (and louder) parts, though he had no training. He figured it out by reading books and watching videos until that car worked. When Max put his mind to something, he completed it. He was incredibly determined and sharply focused.

Max’s determination extended to life’s big decisions. When he chose a college, he had a formula for success. Max looked at every state school in Missouri, determined which 4-year degree had the highest job placement within the first year of graduation, and cross-referenced that with the highest-yielding salary that required the least amount of math. Information Science and Technology at Missouri University of Science & Technology was that targeted degree. It quickly became Max’s path. He would repeatedly ask, “Hey Mom! What is my degree called again?”

But what made Max great wasn't just the hobbies he undertook or the books he read (he was reading 17 books when he died; the list is impressive). Max was one of those guys who just loved people for who they were. Sadly, he never had the opportunity to know the magnitude of people who cherished and loved him for who he was. He didn’t choose to be center stage; he was most comfortable sitting back and letting others enjoy the limelight. With all his heart, he loved his family, but his siblings – Lucy, Mickey, and Ollie – he adored. They were his soul mates and came first. Max also truly loved me and his dad. We take great comfort in knowing that our 22-year-old son loved us to the moon and back.

Max struggled during Covid with anxiety and depression, as many young people did. Isolation and a lack of social freedom affected him greatly. After some time, he revealed his depression to us. He decided to move home while he finished his last year of college. The road was not easy, as Max cobbled together a mix of long commutes, online courses, and transfer credits to graduate on time. But determined as ever, Max stepped up, persevered, and graduated with honors. During the peak of his depression, Max said, "Mom, I know your biggest fear, and I need you to hear that I am very depressed, but I ALWAYS want to live." He loved and respected us enough to have this very difficult discussion.

Despite his personal struggles, Max landed a fantastic job six months before graduation. He was absolutely pumped when he secured an interview with a major consulting firm and was tasked with creating a project to highlight his knowledge. He reviewed the suggested topics and decided to risk choosing his own topic that he felt would convey his "out of the box" thinking. He worked for several weeks on his project, turned it in, and began second-guessing himself immediately. During the interview, I could hear him nervously pace back and forth in the room above, followed by bursts of his hearty laugh. Afterward, he came downstairs and declared, "I think I just bombed that interview!" Several weeks later, while visiting his sister and her fiancée, he received word that he had landed the job. Still skeptical of his abilities, he told his sister after the call, "I think this must be a scam; someone just called and said I got the job!" Max remained convinced that he was a victim of some intricate internet fraud until the day he received his new employee packet. His start date was to be October 13th, 2022.

But Max never made it to his first day of work. Having received a handsome starting bonus, Max decided to take some time after graduation to embark on a road trip out West with his friend. The trip was an opportunity to explore his passions before embarking on a full-time career. In a cruel and senseless twist of fate, Max passed away on the third day of his trip as he hiked back from his campsite in the Badlands. Max's unexpected death has created a deeply, profound hole in our lives. His absence is felt every second of every day. The loss is beyond excruciating and touches every aspect of our existence.

On July 20th, 2022, we lost Max, forever. There is no fixing this; there is no going back. There will never be a time when we do not wish to know what Max’s future should have looked like. There are no sufficient words in the human language to surmise what he, his family, his friends, and the world have had taken from us. But rest assured, we will spend the rest of our days shouting Max’s praises, laughing at the memory of his shenanigans, and deeply yearning for the rest of his amazing life we will now miss. We will forever juxtapose the here and now with the could-have and should-haves. We will deeply ache forever longing for our exceptionally awesome, compassionate, inquisitive, hilarious, humble, loving son, Max.