Quentin Kasson

I have been fortunate in my life to not have attended many funerals, but the ones I have been to I always think about the loved one giving the speech and how I would sum up into words one’s entire being and the impression that person left on those around them. So, I’m going to do my best to tell you about Quentin.

I think anyone passing from any cause other than a natural death at the ripe age of 85 or older will always feel like a sad loss, but at 10 months, it really does feel like a hole has been left and so much potential wasted.

My water ruptured at 17 weeks and we were told we would lose him, but we wanted to try anyways to save his life. We made it 13 additional weeks before he was born prematurely at 30 weeks, which is basically unheard of. In my MFM’s 40 year career, Quentin was the 3 earliest baby to be born and live after an early rupture. A few weeks after his birth, he underwent a heart surgery. At full term, 2.5 months old for him, he underwent a tracheotomy surgery and few months after that a g-tube surgery. Each of these there was a major complication, during or after the procedure that almost killed him, but miraculously he survived. He had pseudomonas 4 times and clubcella once, also known as a kid killer, but again miraculous he survived each. He lived in the hospital for 295 days straight before coming home, and went back twice, and the second would be his last. We spent a beautiful 3 1/2 weeks of bliss with him home, before the emergency that took his life. But these are just facts about the things he went through. This isn’t who Quentin was.

Quentin in every since of the word was a miracle. For the kid who wasn’t even supposed to be alive, he lived life to the fullest, and he showed everyone what he was made of.

I can’t tell you how many times doctors looked Jake and I in the eyes and said he wouldn’t survive, or that it was time to “think about what’s best for Quentin.” But it’s like he laughed in their faces each time because he wasn’t ready to go yet.

Quinny was a force to be reckoned with, even just at a few months old. I swear he has charisma from the age of 3 months. The way he would look at you, it’s like he was looking into the depths of your soul. I used to get told that he was flirting with the nurses when I walked into the front desk of NICU.

He knew what warm hugs were from a young age and we made sure to give him plenty. In PICU, one of the saddest places you could be, on hard days the medical staff would all come visit Quinn’s room because they knew it would remind them that what they were doing was worth it.

He gave people something that I can’t describe as other than hope. He loved to play all day and fight me to go to bed every night as we read stories. In the mornings home, waking Quentin up was unmatched bc he would give you the biggest smile and as you picked him up to pull him into your chest, he would open his mouth and stick his arms out like he was going to eat your face. He was the absolute happiest baby boy. Quinn became our whole world so now that he isn’t here, things just don’t seem right anymore.

At 17 weeks I remember looking up to God and I saying “please I will be thankful for whatever time I get, whether that be 17 seconds, 17 minutes, 17 hours, days, months, years, or lifetime, but I promise I’ll be thankful.”

I think the what happened is that as he thrived, and passed milestones, the prayer changed and anything but a lifetime wasn’t enough. But when I look back to what I asked for, my prayer was answered.

Quentin had an energy that surrounded him that I hope I get the chance to feel again.

If you take anything from Quentin’s time here, life is too damn short and in an instant it can be taken. For us it was 45 seconds that will forever leave a pit in my heart that I’ll never be able to fill. So quit the job, move to that place you’ve always dreamed up, take the leap and make the jump into that scary thing you’ve been thinking of, because you will never regret trying.

And Quinny, I love you so much baby. Hold tight to grandad. Just blink, I’ll be there soon for another warm hug.